One afternoon, my music teacher extraordinaire coworker and I were strolling out of Jockstrap Elementary School (name changed to protect the innocent) ranting about the overall shitasticness of the day. It was just one of those days where everything that could go wrong did, everyone who could be annoying was; my world was surely going to implode because my life was so freakin’ tough (delusional was I) . Chad was living with Dan (Asian husband extraordinaire) and me at the time, and was MIA once again. I clearly could only focus on him being dead or in jail all day, try that whilst wrangling a (tiny ass) portable full of fifth graders. By the end of the day (and all days of the like), I was totally enraged at the world and depressed at the same time, a coil of anxiety (who had eaten nothing all day due to nerves), and pretty much would have given anything to have a “normal”, rational brain that could handle life on the rocks. Reflecting back on that day in particular, I remember despite all that was horrifically wrong in my life, that afternoon, I still laughed. I laughed when in the midst of complaining about everything that sucked, popped this gem, “Well, guess today was just ‘Shitty with a Chance of Corn’.” I love that memory (and you, Smith for always making me laugh save the tears) and it’s my joke now at the end of a not-so-spectacular day.
What recovery helped make ultra-magical in my life now is I am able take on days that aren’t the smoothest, without turning into a starving, paranoid basket case. Some days it’s my fault things don’t go great, some days it’s simply the state of the world in which we live. What I have learned is that everything happens for a reason and happens exactly how it is supposed to. I had to learn to give up my control, and turn it over to a power greater than myself (this took a looooong time, was not overnight!). I also recognized the significance of learning a lesson from a negative event or person, and using the bad to help strengthen my good rather than getting pissed off and crying about things out of my control (or throwing stuff around the house, oops).
I’ve also gained some handy methods to catch a bad day and stop it in its tracks, rather than letting it spiral into a shitstorm of terribleness. Living in constant gratitude is numero uno, followed by taking pause to chill out when I really want to Hulk Out, and ending with not indulging in the drama of a negative event and or individual (i.e. not gossiping, blowing things out of proportion, or making it all about me). If something undesirable happens, I remain cool as a cucumber (I love that simile #englishteachernerd) and let it pass by, but don’t invite it to come in for a spot of tea and a scone. I have also been enlightened to the fact that the only person I can control is ME (who knew?!). Additionally, I found I get to choose being as happy or miserable as I want to be, and yes, choosing to be blissful does take far more effort, but it’s also way more fun (plus, everyone looks cuter with a glow of joyness).
Overall, I have found the more work I put in to ensure good days is well worth it. I also want to note that not all days are filled with sunshine and sparkles, some days are overwhelmingly crappy. Friday evening I could not sleep because I was deeply saddened by the horrific events that ravage innocent people in this world every day. I was distraught that in a few short years, I will have to explain these senseless acts to Andy (Asian son extraordinaire), while teaching him it’s ok to be sad, but we must keep going and take action to help as best we are able. I woke up with a still-heavy heart on Saturday, but decided I had a choice:be a ball of raging despair and add negativity fuel to the fire, or get it together, be the shiniest damn light of positivity possible, and take a giant pee all over that fire (it’s a Wyoming thing I think). My friends, I chose to pee and help extinguish that fire. I hope you will join in and do the same. I also can’t let you read all this without a nugget of Al-Anon wisdom, which is one of my favorite slogans, “This too shall pass.” And it’s true, even the Shittiest with a Chance of Corn days will turn into night, then a new day, and you will have a clean slate with the power of choice.
Be Good, Do Good.